I love kids.  I really do.  But, from time to time there are situations where I’d really rather they weren’t there!

Imagine going to a friend’s house for drinks, nibbles and a good chat.  The wine is poured, the gossip is in full flow, but before the night even gets going something puts the kibosh on the whole thing; the child.

As a private tutor, I come in to contact with parents all the time.  With some, the relationship has been purely professional, with others it has been more relaxed and friendly.  This is where problems can start.  To become friends with a client can be like opening a can of worms and once you’ve realised things are going wrong and start trying to reseal that can, it’s too late!  I have made some great friends who have graduated from clients to good mates.  Others have been a total nightmare.  Some take the piss professionally, by expecting special favours because we are friends.  Others seem really nice before you get to know them, then, after you’ve crossed the line in to the friend-zone, you wonder what the fuck you saw in them!

I recently became friends with Natalie.  Natalie has been a client for nearly a year, I tutor her nine-year-old daughter and we have developed a good doorstep friendship.  So, when she invited me over to her house for a drink on Saturday, I thought; why not?

I told The Hubster about my plans to go to Natalie’s for a drink and he rolled his eyes.  He knows how things can go tits up with client/friends.  When things do go wrong, I end up moaning about how they now think they can pay late, ask me to do things for free and give their children special attention, etc.  I am not the only one who has experienced this, my Childminding friends Liv and Faye have both had dodgy experiences with clients who have become friends.

So, I approached my evening with Natalie tentatively, but positively.

As I rang the doorbell, from inside the house, I heard a noise which made me jump out of my skin!  It sounded like banshee being skinned alive!  Natalie opened the door, greeted me and flashed me a big smile, seemingly oblivious to the death cry I had just heard.  As I walked in, her nine-year-old daughter, who I tutor, ran up to me and gave me a hug and told me she was going to go and watch Frozen (presumably for the 1000th time!).  As her daughter scurried off to the lounge, Natalie handed me a glass of rosé.  Then I heard it again.  Aaaaarrrgghhhhheeeeeekkk!!!  “What the FUCK is that??” I blustered, as an instinctive knee jerk reaction to the sound.

Natalie smiled sweetly and said “It’s OK, that’s just my other daughter, she’s playing but she’s been excited to meet you…”  I knew Natalie had a younger daughter as I’d seen her in the back of her car and given her the odd wave.  I smiled reluctantly, thinking; anything which make a noise like that cannot be good news!

Natalie and I began to chat.  Before I knew it, we were laughing our heads off, comparing stories about how we had met our husbands, discussing naughty things we had got up to as teenagers, and debating who is the sexiest, Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds.

Then, as we were chatting away, a little head popped from around the door and peered in to the room.  “Hello darling” cooed Natalie.  This was obviously her youngest daughter, who must be about 5 years old.  I couldn’t believe such a sweet little thing had made such a grim, toe curling, noise.

Then it started.  As we chatted, the sprog kept interrupting…as kids do. “Mummy mummy, look at me!”, “Mummy, I’m hungry”, Mummy, I’m bored”, Mummy, I feel sick”, “Watch me Mummy, watch me!”.  Now, I can accept kids behaving as kids do.  However, a parent’s job is to guide their child and help them understand how to behave. NOT to encourage them to misbehave.

What Natalie did next is not uncommon, I’ve seen a million and one parents do it, but it is fucking abysmal parenting.  While we chatted, the sprog would interrupt us with some inane drivel (as kids do).  However, rather than deal with the child, either by chastising it for CONSTANTLY interrupting, or, better still, providing it with some entertainment which didn’t involve ruining our night, Natalie indulged her daughter’s bad behaviour.  As I was speaking to her, Natalie would cut me off mid-sentence, or she would simply turn away, while I was talking, and begin chatting to the child who, unsurprisingly, had very little to say.  Basically, what Natalie was saying to her daughter was, your behaviour is fine keep doing it… So, the kid kept interrupting…and ramped it up a notch.

Parents often do this when they are with their kids in the company of friends and/or family.  My theory is that they don’t want to look like mean parents by chastising their kids in front of people, so they just let them do what they want.  They might also be terrified of the fallout, if they did tell their child off, a tantrum would be very embarrassing, why kick the hornet’s nest?  What these parents don’t understand is that when their child is misbehaving, the vast majority of people are thinking “Sort your fucking child out” and would be more than happy for the parent to take charge of the child.  As far as tantrums are concerned, the fear of your child freaking out is no excuse for letting them get away with behaving how they bloody well please!  I would say that the parents who keep their kid’s behaviour in check get fewer tantrums than those who don’t.

At some point, maybe because the kid started doing her head in, or maybe because she clocked my exasperation, Natalie decided to simply ignore her.  This led to an even more ridiculous situation, where Natalie, with an inane grin on her face, was hoping to conduct a pleasant conversation whilst her child stood right beside her with an awful case of verbal diarrhoea! “Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, I’m bored, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!”.  With the ridiculous grin, hiding embarrassment and anger still plastered on her face, Natalie picked up the overweight five-year-old.  The sprog’s diatribe continued.  Have you ever seen that episode of Family Guy where Stewie relentlessly asks for his Mum, Lois: “Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mommy, Momma, Momma”…It was just like that.

I left soon after, blaming a headache and an early start.  When I got home I described the ridiculous scene to The Hubster, who rolled his eyes (again) and simply said “Expected as much”.  He went on to say, the way that I had described Natalie, as a doting parent, overbearing and a bit whiney, who had asked her child’s tutor round for a drink (suggesting, in The Hubster’s opinion, that she doesn’t have any mates), would be a bit of a nightmare.

If my kids misbehave in public or in company, I tell them off.  Granted, I take it down a notch from when we’re at home, but I make sure they stop what they’re doing.  Young babies have tantrums, that can’t be helped.  But, from the age of about eighteen months, unless the child has behavioural problems, tantrums can be irradiated by good parenting.  Ignoring another adult, you are chatting with, in order to indulge your mis-behaving sprog, upsets that person, it re-enforces your kid’s bad behaviour and it makes you look like a total dick. Simples.

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